18 May 2006

You must go by the way of dispossession...

Sometimes what we want the least is what we need the most.

We live beneath a Mercy that stretches further than we can see, supported by a Knowledge that--when revealed--will only unhinge our minds, and by all this we are cradled gently--more gently than we know--above shifting and obscure paths.

All that did and didn't happen this year forced me to realize that love is never simple and our lives are not meant to be hoarded but shared. Grudges aren't worth holding but are hard to let go. Dissapointment comes only when we are too specific in our guessing ahead.

Because of dissapointment, I became a better friend. Because of what I didn't have, I was opened in weakness to people that I will be very sorry to leave.

My understanding of love is new: no matter what, I know nothing. And knowing that is enough, for now.

7 comments:

jules said...

I LOVE YOU!!!

you are amazing.

you are an inspiration.

see you soon.

naomi said...

knowing nothing...
i always think i've realized it, and i always find that i'm wrong.

i have a hannah-letter forming slowly in my mind. maybe you'll be holding it sometime next week.

drink wine, darling. you're home.

Sarah said...

"i know nothing"

what an excellent description of this semester. and an excellent conclusion to the madness.

so glad we survived.

miss you.

Nathan Martin said...

Mr. Head stood very still and felt the action of mercy touch him again but this time he knew that there were no words in the world that could name it. He understood that it grew out of agony, which is not denied to any man and given in strange ways to children. He understood that it was all a man could carry into death to give his Maker and he suddenly burned with shame that he had so little of it to take with him.
He stood appalled, judging himself with the thoroughness of God, while the action of mercy covered his pride like a flame and consumed it. He had never thought himself a great sinner before but he saw now that his true depravity had been hidden from him lest it cause him despair. He realized that he was forgiven for sins from the beginning of time when he had conceived in his heart the sin of Adam, until the present when he had denied poor Nelson. He saw that no sin was too monstrous for him to claim as his own, and since God loved in proportion as he forgave, he felt ready in that instant to enter Paradise.


Mercy,

it's a pretty amazing thing hannah

(and so is love)


i don't understand either one...

Carmen said...

"Our lives are not mean to be hoarded but shared"

beautifully said.
thank you for sharing yours with me these past few months.
may these summer months renew you.

until next time...

... in a bigger sky said...

ahhh, i seriously want to catch up with you sometime...

... in a bigger sky said...

ah, what is the best way to get ahold of you, dear... missing what was/could have been [i.e. at phc] is a strong feeling... so is not missing what was and so is hoping for what's ahead... hmm contentment... and i sigh with a smile